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Today’s song of the day:
“Last Nite” by The Strokes
I am probably going to go to the bookstore and buy a book about the meaning of dreams after writing this blog post. I would really like to understand my dreams & find out if they have any meaning behind them at all, or if they’re just a load of crap thoughts floating through my mind while I’m sleeping.
My latest strange dream begins with me in the kitchen. For some unknown reason I am either thinking about or craving coffee. So I open up the main food cupboard in the kitchen & reach up to the top shelf to grab the electric coffee grinder.
At this time I should note that: 1. The cupboard’s top shelf in my dream is much higher than it is in real life because I had to stand on my tiptoes to reach it, AND 2. I don’t keep the coffee grinder in the food cupboard, or even in a high place.
As I’m standing up on my tiptoes to reach & grab the electric coffee grinder, the empty box I usually store the coffee grinder in falls down & gently hits the top of my head before landing on the ground. I momentarily look down at the box on the kitchen floor & think to myself, “Huh! Why is the box empty? I don’t keep that in this cupboard.” Then, I look up again to get the coffee grinder itself, but as I reach up, a box of cereal mysteriously appears behind the coffee grinder & also falls onto the kitchen floor.
Now I’m fully looking down at the kitchen floor, completely ignoring the coffee grinder I was intending to get in the first place. There is a huge mess of frosted corn flakes all over the floor, in the area right next to my small eat-in dining table. At this point I don’t even wonder how the cereal mess traveled all the way over there when the cupboard the cereal box fell out of is clearly ten-plus feet away, & there is no cereal trail leading from the cupboard to the table. (I am reading too much into these random details. Am I deviating from the main story? I call that the ‘Shiny Nickel’ effect.)
I absentmindedly start cleaning up the cereal by brushing the frosted corn flakes with my cupped hands into small piles on the floor. I also use my forearms to make sweeping motions across the floor. Next thing I can remember is that I’m scooping the piles of corn flakes & depositing them into random Tupperware containers, not even checking if the containers already have leftover food in them or not. As I’m scooping up the cereal, I look down at the mess & think to myself, “This mess never gets any smaller, no matter how much I clean it up!” Immediately following that thought I get an extremely strong urge to use the bathroom. I can no longer concentrate & only think of urinating. Why am I now debating with myself over cleaning up the cereal mess or taking a piss? I am actually mulling this over in my mind in my dream.
To pee, or not to pee. A very important discussion topic. Especially while cleaning up a cereal shit show.
Why am I making things worse for myself in my dream? I continue to debate whether or not I should just go to the bathroom & clean up the kitchen afterwards, or if I should wait to take a piss. I decide to get up from sitting on the kitchen floor & get the vacuum cleaner. I feel a sense of disappointment that I’m wasting the cereal, but I hate having a dirty kitchen. Suddenly, for no reason whatsoever, I take the time to notice that there are empty sunflower seed shells strewn about underneath the eat-in dining table. I shake my head & question who has been sloppily eating sunflower seeds again & not properly cleaning up after themselves. I know who the culprit is, but all I can do is grow increasingly frustrated with the filthy state of the kitchen.
Is it that time already? Can I hold back any longer? Should I prolong this agony even more? NO!
Finally, I tell myself out loud that I should go to the bathroom. I am now repeatedly telling myself that I need to take a piss, & I should not deviate from making a liquid deposit into the porcelain bowl. I tell myself so loudly that I need to piss, that I end up waking myself out of a sound sleep. I immediately, mechanically get out of bed & tell myself aloud that I am going to use the bathroom. I don’t know why I have to announce to myself what I’m going to do. There is nobody else in the bedroom with me. Why would my warm & soft bed care what I’m about to do? I’ve never wet the bed ever in my life, & I’m not about to start now.
Is it strange or ironic that I’m sitting in a big box coffee shop writing this blog post & the air conditioning is so extremely strong that it’s not only making me shiver from head-to-toe, but it’s also making me want to pee real bad? I don’t know, but I’m now going to hastily end this post so I can get the hell out of here & soak up the warm sunshine outside. Perhaps thaw myself out a bit. Cheers! Brrrrr……
Today’s song of the day:
“Sleep Now In the Fire” by Rage Against The Machine
I’ve been working through some personal things lately, most recently being the discovery of adult acne. I’ve always taken good care of my skin, since I was a young child. My grandmother & mom were both very strict on skin care & cleanliness. So, I adopted & followed their astringent & regimented skincare habits. I had never before gone through any pimple or acne stages during my teenage &/or pubescent years. I thought that as long as I took good care of my skin, I would be in the clear (no pun intended). I was wrong, & now I’m dealing with a mild case (knock-on-wood) of adult acne on my chin/jaw-line. This has been giving me some feelings of anxiety, as well as with other things/issues going on in my life. In the back of my mind, I am constantly feeling a sense of mild anxiety.
This feeling of anxiety now brings me to the main topic of this blog post. Recently, I had a dream, one that’s been prominently on my mind for the past few days. I don’t understand what my dream means, or if it has any connection whatsoever with my skin problem, but I feel like there may be something connecting the two topics together. I will describe my dream later on in this post.
The night before I had this specific dream I had a fairly large, bright red pimple forming on my left jaw. I was really freaking out about it before I went to bed, & was practically slathering the entire tube of my prescription acne medication all over my face to try to get it to go away. I was obsessing over this one pimple, constantly examining it in the mirror & lamenting to myself about the hideous size & color of it. I finally gave up on analyzing my acne after fussing over it & went to sleep. The next morning, after experiencing this specific dream, I felt as though a small weight had been lifted from my conscience, & I felt as though my anxiety had lessened by a few degrees. The pimple I had freaked out over the night before had shrunk & gone down in redness. Most of my acne spots had shrunk, & I felt a positive wave wash over me. My first reaction was that it must have been because of the wonderful, yet strangely bizarre dream I had experienced.
And here comes the dream. I don’t always put much thought into the meanings of my dreams, but this one involved my deceased father. The dream starts off with me kneeling on my bed, looking out of my open bedroom window (which is located directly above my bed). I feel a pole gently fall down & hit my shoulder, & I recognize it as being a Spanish matador’s spear used in bull fighting. I pick up the spear & look out my window to see a group of people partially running past my bedroom. I ask one gentleman what is going on, & he informs me that they are participating in a running of the bulls event. I hand him the spear, & he takes it & walks back to his group. At this point in my dream I get the feeling that these people heading past my bedroom window are spirits &/or ghosts, but it doesn’t scare me at all. In fact, I was utterly calm throughout my entire interaction with the mystery man.
Immediately, a telephone rings in the background, & I am not eager to answer it. I am thinking that this may be a sales call from a telemarketer, but something strongly pushes me to answer the telephone. I pick up the phone & say “hello”. The person on the other end sounds like an automated female machine voice. The voice says my mom’s name in a monotone voice, & I run to call my mother over to answer the phone. She then comes over to talk on the phone, & I am asked by an unidentifiable person who my mom is talking to. I don’t even know who’s on the other end of the line, but I can clearly see that my mom is laughing & having a very friendly & lively conversation. I reply without knowing who my mom is talking to, “It’s my dad. It must be my dad.” I turn around to look back at my mother who is still on the phone. I then turn back to the other person, widely grin & say, “Yeah, she’s talking to my dad.” After that I wake up from my dream, & I immediately feel a small sense of calmness.
I don’t know what to make of my dream, especially the part about the running of the bulls & bull fighting, but I’ve been more focused on pinpointing the meaning of the second half of my dream, the part about my dad. I’m very much on the fence about the topic of spirits/ghosts & whether I believe in them or not, so I don’t really know what to say about my dream at this point in time. I have been debating whether or not I’m should tell my mom about this dream. I know she would love to hear anything positive about my dad, even in dream form, but I have a very difficult time talking to others about my dad (even with other family members). I even find it difficult sometimes to think back on my dad when I’m alone because it makes me feel incredibly lonely rather than reminiscing about happy memories.
This dream I had made me very happy. It still does even after a couple of days have passed. Thinking about this dream will always put a smile on my face, but I don’t think I will tell my mom about it just yet. Until then, cheers.
Today’s song of the day:
“Human” by The Killers